No Respect, Part 3

Rodney Dangerfield,


My old man, I told him I'm tired of running around in circles. So he nailed my other foot to the floor.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

My wife's not too smart. I told her, our kids were spoiled. She said, "All kids smell that way."

My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer.

There's only one thing wrong with my wife's face - it shows.

When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through."

I bought a new Japanese car. I turned on the radio... I don't understand a word they're saying.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.

I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the West.

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster.

…went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife.

My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.