Bumper Stickers, Part 1

If at first you don't succeed, why bother? Your honor student will take care of it.

Sure, I believe in God. Now where are the miracles?

WWGD: What would Groucho Do?

I'm the product of a secret government project.

My daughter fights for your honor student's freedom!

I have an IQ in the top 2%. Who cares about the other 95%?

I can't get enough minimalism.

Sanity is back-ordered. Sarcasm is in unlimited supply.

I'm not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.

Egrets? I've had a few.

I'm so far behind, I thought I was first.

I am the English Teacher about whom your mother warned you.

Five days a week, my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.

My idea of a team effort is a lot of people doing whatever I say.

As a matter of fact, I DID sleep in these clothes.

That's irrelevant, and irrelevant never forgets.

Learn Spanish! Jesus is coming.

Without sports, this bumper sticker would be about my honor student.

I'm 33 1/3 RPM in an iPod world.

Apathy: I could take it or leave it.

If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.

There's no right way to eat a Rhesus.

I don't know why I'm even out of bed.

Stupidity: too steep a price for marrying your sibling.

My child serves honor rolls at Baker College.

If life gives you peanuts, make peanut butter.

Inside every large program is a small program trying to get out.

Beer is now cheaper than gas. Drink, don't drive!

If I'm talking, everyone should be taking notes.

You are 98% chimp.