Mom's Rule

* Mothers only offer advice on two occasions: when you want it and when you don't..
* A mother's love is a better cure than chicken soup, but chicken soup is cheaper.
* Your mother is the only person that knows more about you than you know about yourself.
* Any time you are unable to solve a problem, ask your mother. She probably won't know either, but she will fake it.
* The more you try to stay on your mother's good side the harder it will be to figure out which side this is.
* The nicer a mother is, the greater the probability that her kids are rotten.
* If you can't remember whether or not you called your mother, you didn't.
* The motherly advice you ignore will always turn out to be the best advice she ever gave you.
* If you forget, mom will remind you of all your mistakes so you don't repeat them.
* Anything you do can be criticized by your mother - even doing nothing.
* Never criticize your mother's cooking if you expect to get any more of it.
* If you think you have any secrets from your mother, remember who has changed your diapers.
* You can't "out mother" your mother. Don't even try.
* Never lie to your mother. And if you do, never think you got away with it.
* The older you are, the more you feel like a child around your mother.
* All mother's have a "How To" manual. That's because they wrote the book.
* Mother's way is best. If you don't believe it, ask her.
* Everything is a good idea till you mother finds out and tells you why it isn't.
* When you are broke, ask mom for a loan. She will help you remember what you wasted all your money on.
* The more expensive the gift you give your mother, the longer she will "save" it before she uses it.
* No matter how wrong you are, your mother will not hold it against you. She may remind you a number of times, but she will not hold it against you.
* No matter how much you eat, you can never get so fat that mother will not offer you more food.
* If a mother does not have an item, she will have the recipe or the directions.
* Accomplishments are made possible by your mother - failures are your own fault.
* Never forget who rocked you as a baby. That's something else you will never be able to repay her for.
* Mother can always tell you a better way to do something after you've already done it.
* The longer it's been since you cleaned house, the more likely it is that mother will visit.
* No matter how small your mom is, she will always be bigger than you are.
* If you do it yourself, mom could have done it better. If mom does it, you should have done it yourself.
* The only thing more accurate than a mother's advice is her memory of the times you didn't take it.
* The funnier the joke is, the more likely mom will think it is dirty.
* Never tell your mother you have nothing to do. She can always find something.
* If the job of a mother is going smoothly, she thinks she isn't doing it well.
* There are always two sides to a story - the way it really happened and the way mother remembers it.
* Mothers always "know." We don't know how - they just do.