TSA Bumber Stickers

Can't see London.
Can't see France.
Unless we see your underpants.

Grope discount available

Only we know if Lady Gaga is really a lady

Don't worry, my hands are still warm from the other guy.

Wanna fly? Drop your fly.

We've handled more balls than Barney Frank.

We are now free to move about your pants.

We rub you the wrong way, so you can be on your way.

It's not a grope, it's a freedom pat.

When in doubt, we make you whip it out.

TSA: Touching, Squeezin, Arrestin.

YOU were a virgin.

We handle more packages than UPS.

Things you learn from children.

A can of soda will make a great geyser when hit with a hammer. A 12 pack makes a BIG puddle.

You should not stand too close to a fire alarm in a large grocery store if your child is in the basket.

A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

A 3 year old child's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan and tie it to a paint can, it does spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 room.

You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

The glass in windows (including double pane windows) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

When you hear the toilet flush along with the words "uh oh," it's already too late.

A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

Certain Lego blocks will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 year old.

Play-Doh and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

Super glue is forever.

No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.

Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

DVD players do not eject sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.

Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

You probably don't want to know what that smell is.

Always look in the oven before you turn it on.

Plastic toys do not like ovens.

The fire department in my town has a 5 minute response time.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does make cats dizzy, however.

Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

Your mouth...

People whose mouth has a narrow roof are more likely to snore.

85% of the population can curl their tongue into a tube.

When kissing someone, you gain around 256 colonies of bacteria from that person.

Close to 50% of the bacteria in your mouth lives on your tongue.

If your mouth was completely dry you would not be able to taste anything.

Taste is the weakest of the five senses.

If you're right handed, you tend to chew your food on the right side.

Same for lefties, they tend to chew on the left.

Humans have a unique tongue print, just like fingerprints.

There are about 9,000 taste buds on the surface of your tongue, in your throat, and on the roof of your mouth.

Taste buds contain chemoreceptors that respond to chemicals from food and other substances that are dissolved by saliva.

A person on average produces 10,000 gallons of saliva in their life time.

That works out to just under a half a gallon a day!

In general, girls have more taste buds than boys.

Average life of a taste bud is up to ten days.