Back to the Future, 1974

That was the year when...

• The Watergate scandal brings about Nixon resignation
• West Germany won the football World cup (in West Germany)
• Mikhail Baryshnikov became the latest Soviet Ballet dancer to defect to the west
• Haile Selassie Deposed as Ruler of Ethiopia after 58 years in power
• Famous Radio & TV comedian Jack Benny died, aged 80

About 1974
While Nixon was squirming and Evel Knievel was trying to leap the Grand Canyon Swedish pop sensations Abba were hitting the top of the charts with Waterloo.
You Have been Watching...
• Porridge
• Rising Damp
• It Ain't Half Hot Mum
• Man About The House

At the Cinema
• The Godfather partII (Best Film Oscar)
• Monty Python's The Holy Grail
• Emmanuelle
• Lenny

Chuck it, Part 9

Movie trivia: The movie "Invasion U.S.A." is, in fact, a documentary.

Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger.

Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.

Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.

One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.

Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.

Playgirl magazine once asked Chuck Norris to appear naked in an issue, Chuck laughed at the opportunity saying “there isn’t enough paper in the world to contain my bearded member”. He then killed the editors simply by unzipping his pants.

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

Presidents, Part 1

Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) is the only U.S. president who was also a licensed bartender. He was co-owner of Berry and Lincoln, a saloon in Springfield, Illinois.

The only president to be unanimously elected was George Washington (1732-1799). He also refused to accept his presidential salary, which was $25,000 a year.

Harry Truman joined the Ku Klux Klan in Missouri to win their support for the judge’s seat.

Grover Cleveland was the only president in history to hold the job of a hangman. He was once the sheriff of Erie County, New York, and twice had to spring the trap at a hanging.

The “S” in Harry S Truman doesn’t stand for anything; therefore, there is no period after his middle initial.

Lincoln Logs are named after Abraham Lincoln and the log cabin where he was born. John Lloyd Wright, son of famous architect Francis Lloyd Wright, invented them.

Thomas Jefferson and John Adams once traveled to Stratford-upon-Avon to visit Shakespeare’s birthplace. While there, they took a knife to one of Shakespeare’s chairs so they could take home some wood chips as souvenirs.

James Madison and Thomas Jefferson were once arrested together for taking a carriage ride in the countryside of Vermont on a Sunday, which violated the laws of that state.

Andrew Johnson is the only tailor ever to be president. As president, he would typically stop by a tailor shop to say hello. He would wear only the suits that he made himself.

“Teddy Bears” were so named when Theodore “Teddy” Roosevelt (1858-1919) refused to shoot a small bear cub one day. The incident was reported in the news, which inspired a toy manufacture to come out with the cute stuffed animals.

George Washington never lived in the White House. The capital was actually located in Philadelphia and other cities when Washington was president. He is also the only president who didn’t represent a political party.

James Abram Garfield (1831-1881) is the first president to ever talk on the phone. When he spoke to Alexander Graham Bell, who was at the other end 13 miles away, he said: “Please speak a little more slowly.”

Back to the Future 1973

That was the year when...
• The United Kingdom joined the EEC
• The Watergate scandal took hold as Nixon denied all knowledge
• The twin towers of the World Trade Center were completed
• Baseball legend Willie Mays retired from the game
• Artist Pablo Picasso died at age 92

About 1973
1973 was the year that Bruce Lee died, having made arguably the best film of his career.
You Have been Watching...
• Michael Bentines Potty Time
• Last Of The Summer Wine
• Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em
• Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads

At the Cinema
• The Sting (Best Film Oscar)
• The Exorcist
• Enter The Dragon
• Serpico

Accident report

Accident insurance claim forms ask for a brief statement about how the accident happened. The combination of the finger pointing instinct and the small spaces provided on the forms can lead to some curiously phrased explanations.

“A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.”

“The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.”

“I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way.”

“Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.”

“I thought my window was down; but found it was up when I put my hand through it.”

“No one was to blame for the accident, but it never would have happened if the other driver had been alert.”

“The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him.”

“I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.”

“I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.”

“I was taking my canary to the hospital. It got loose in the car and flew out the window. The next thing I saw was his rear end, and there was a crash.”

“I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner when it was struck by the other car in the same place where it had been struck several times before.”

“The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.”

“The accident happened when the right door of a car came around the corner without giving a signal.”

“I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.”

“I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprung up, obscuring my vision.”

“I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.”

“I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.”

“I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had a fractured skull.”

“My wench slipped, losing my balance, and I hurt my back.”

“I was unable to stop in time, and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries.”

“To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.”

“The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.”

“When I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.”

“I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.”

“In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.”

“My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.”

“As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.”

“The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.”

“A truck backed though my windshield and into my wife’s face.”

“I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.”

“The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.”

“An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle, and vanished.”

True Facts

Soldiers from every country salute with their right hand.

The microwave oven was invented by mistake when an engineer testing a magnetron tube noticed that the radiation from it melted the chocolate bar he had in his pocket.

Moisture, not air, causes super glue to dry.

Only 14% of Americans say they've skinny dipped with the opposite sex.

"60 Minutes" on CBS is the only TV show to not have a theme song or music.

Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of their birthplace.

Most boat owners name their boats. The most popular boat name requested is Obsession.

100% of all lottery winners gain weight.

An average American will spend an average of 6 months during his lifetime waiting at red lights.

The Olympic flag's colors are always red, black, blue, green and yellow rings on a field of white. This is because at least one of those colors appears on the flag of every nation on the planet.

Cats can hear ultrasound.

In a recent survey, Americans revealed that banana was their favorite smell.

In all three Godfather films, when you see oranges, there is a death (or a very close call) coming up soon.

If you were to spell out numbers, you would you have to go until 1,000 until you would find the letter "A".

23% of employees say they have had sex in the office.

Bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers were all invented by women.

Married men change their underwear twice as often as single men.

There are more collect calls on Father's Day than any other day of the year.

The history of TP

A brief history of toilet paper.

What did people use before toilet paper?
Well, just use your imagination: grass, leaves, fur, mussell shells, corncobs. The ancient Greeks used stones and pieces of clay; ancient Romans used sponges on the ends of sticks, kept in jugs filled with salty water. Mideasterners commonly used the left hand, which is supposedly still considered unclean in the Arabian region.

"Official" toilet paper - that is, paper which was produced specifically for the purpose - dates back at least to the late 14th Century, when Chinese emperors ordered it in 2-foot x 3-foot sheets.

Corncobs and pages torn from newspapers and magazines were commonly used in the early American West. The Sears catalogue was well-known in this context, and even produced such humorous spinoffs as the "Rears and Sorebutt" catalogue. The Farmer's Almanac had a hole in it so it could be hung on a hook and the pages torn off easily.

Joseph C. Gayetty of New York started producing the first packaged toilet paper in the U.S. in 1857. It consisted of pre-moistened flat sheets medicated with aloe and was named "Gayetty’s Medicated Paper". Gayetty's name was printed on every sheet.

Rolled and perforated toilet paper as we're familiar with today was invented around 1880. Various sources attribute it to the Albany Perforated Wrapping (A.P.W.) Paper Company in 1877, and to the Scott Paper company in 1879 or 1890.

In 1935, Northern Tissue advertised "splinter-free" toilet paper. Yep, you read that right; early paper production techniques sometimes left splinters embedded in the paper. And you thought you had it tough!

In 1942, St. Andrew's Paper Mill in Great Britain introduced two-ply toilet paper.

America experienced its first toilet paper shortage in 1973.

And in case your wondering how to put your TP on a roller.
51% have it hanging over the top
24% have it hanging under
13% put it on which ever way is the fastest.
11% don't use TP hangers.
1% didn't care.

Thoughts to ponder

1. Half the people you know are below average.

2. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

3. 42.7% of statistics cited by people in arguments are made up on the spot.

4. A conscience is what feels bad when everything else feels so good.

5. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

6. The early bird may get the worm, but it’s the second mouse who gets the cheese.

7. What’s the speed of dark?

8. How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

9. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

10. Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

11. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

12. My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”

13. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

14. A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking.

15. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

16. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.

17. Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have any film.

Back to the Future, 1972

That was the year when...
• FBI Boss for 48 years, J Edgar Hoover died, aged 77
• David Bowie unleashes the "Ziggy Stardust" Album on the world
• 'Bloody Sunday' in Northern Ireland when British troops killed 13 protesters
• Mark Spitz won 7 gold medals at the Munich Olympics
• Two Britons become the first people to row across the (8,000 miles) Pacific Ocean

About 1972
In 1972 terrorist activity from the IRA escalated following the horrific murder of protesters by the British Army on, what became known as, 'Bloody Sunday'. Arab terrorists threatened the Olympic games, killing 11 Israeli Olympians.

You Have been Watching...
• Are You Being Served?
• My Good Woman
• Doctor In Charge
• Sykes

At the Cinema
• The Godfather (Best Film Oscar)
• Deliverance
• Cabaret
• And Now For Something Completely Different

The Automobile

1904 - First speeding ticket, Dayton Ohio.

1908 - Ford Model T introduced.

1911 - First Indy 500 Race takes place.

1912 - Traffic signals first used.

1920 - Travel trailers introduced.

1921 - Fedral - Aid Highway aid act. Money to states to build roads.

1926 - Cigarettte lighters installed (actually cigar lighters)

1930 - First car radio.

1932 - First parking meter.

1933 - Drive in movie theater open.

1935 - Lead additive added to fuel to increase gas mileage.

1940 - California opens its first highway.

1940 - First car air conditioning.

1945 - Cruise Control invented.

1946 - Jeep introduces the first SUV.

1948 - "In-N-Out" opens the first drive through.

1948 - The first power windows..

1955 - James Dean dies in car accident.

1956 - Federal aid Highway Act (to ensure troop movement incase of invasion).

1956 - First car phone released in Stockholm.

1963 - Clean air act first inacted.

1968 - First air bag introduced.

1975 - Catalytic converters become standard.

1984 - Seat belts become manatory.

1990 - Clean air act exteneded.

1992 - First civilian version of the Humvee.

1996 - Leaded gasoline banned.

1997 - GM offers electric car for lease.

2000 - First GPS navagater patented.

Blonde Humer

Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Minnesota Vikings?

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.

Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.

Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).

Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A: A blond doing cartwheels.

Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Q: Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew it both times!

Q: How do you know when a blond's been in your frige?
A: Lipstick on the cucumbers!

Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.

Back to the Future, 1971

That was the year when...

• Charles Manson was found guilty in LA of murdering Sharon Tate amongst others.
• Comedic poet Ogden Nash died, aged 68
• China was admitted to the United Nations
• London Bridge was officially opened to the public, in the Arizona desert
• Disney World opens its gates in Florida

About 1971
During 1971 the Manson trial dominated the headlines in America, while on a lighter note Disney World opened its gates for the first time and gave millions of kids somewhere else to plead with their parents to go to.

You Have been Watching...
• Bless This House
• The Mary Tyler Moore Show
• Dave Allen At Large
• The Comedians
• The Two Ronnies

At the Cinema
• The French Connection (Best Film Oscar)
• A Clockwork Orange
• Fiddler On The Roof
• Dirty Harry

Homerizm, Part 3

Apu, you got any Skittle Brau? Never mind, just give me some Duff and a pack of Skittles.

You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel.

Those guys were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.

Extended warranty? How can I lose?

Mmmmmm - 52 slices of American cheese.

Hey, I asked for ketchup - I'm eatin' salad here!

When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, you know like that movie... "Spaceballs". But instead it was dark and disturbing, like that movie "Police Academy".

I think Mr. Smithers picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around!

Son, when you participate in sporting events - it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get.

Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie, and one to listen.

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!

I'm trying to fix your mother's camera. Easy, easy - Hmmm. I think I need a bigger drill.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.

Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. Like this Bible. It cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy.

God bless those pagans.

Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night!

If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now, quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!

You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.

Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.

I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.

With $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like... love!

All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.

Woo hoo! 350 dollars! Now I can buy 70 transcripts of Nightline!

Back to the Future, 1970

That was the year when...

• Brazil won the football World cup (in Mexico)
• Edwarth Heath became British Prime Minister
• The Beatles broke up after McCartney announced he was leaving the band
• In a further escalation of the Vietnam war Nixon sent troops into Cambodia
• Jimi Hendrix (27) & Janis Joplin (27) both died through drug abuse

About 1970
The start of a new decade saw the escalation of America's involvement in the Vietnam war and the death of sixties Icons Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin.

You Have been Watching...
• For The Love Of Ada
• The Goodies
• The Liver Birds
• Monty Python's Flying Circus

At the Cinema
• Patton (Best Film Oscar)
• M*A*S*H
• Ryan's Daughter
• Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls