Chuck it, Part 9

Movie trivia: The movie "Invasion U.S.A." is, in fact, a documentary.

Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger.

Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.

Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.

One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.

Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.

Playgirl magazine once asked Chuck Norris to appear naked in an issue, Chuck laughed at the opportunity saying “there isn’t enough paper in the world to contain my bearded member”. He then killed the editors simply by unzipping his pants.

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.