These are the odds, Part 2

The odds are 1 out of 3,333,333 (.00003%) that you will be killed in a mass murder this year. - The Week Magazine, 4/24/09

The odds are 1 out of 4 (23%) that you have borrowed money from family or friends this year. - Time Magazine, 4/27/09

The odds are 1 out of 9 (11%) that you live with your parents or in-laws if you're between age 35 aned 44. - The Week Magazine, 5/29/09

The odds are 1 out of 167 (.6%) that you have blood type AB-. - Wired Magazine, 6/09

The odds are 1 out of 3 (30%) that you have failed to pay a bill on time this year. - Time Magazine, 4/27/09

The odds are 1 out of 12 (8%) that you (if you're over age 12) have used an illegal drug within the past month. - Parade Magazine, 5/24/09

The odds are 1 out of 5 (20%) that you have not filled a presciption this year because of the cost. - Time Magazine, 4/27/09

The odds are 1 out of 200,000 (.0005%) that you will die in an accident due to "drowsy driving". - The Week Magazine, 4/17/09

The odds are 2 out of 3 (67%) that you're currently overweight. - Time Magazine, 12/1/08

The odds are 1 out of 3500 (.029%) that you will be injured this year by your pet. - The Week Magazine, 4/10/09

The odds are 1 out of 4 (27%) that your blood pressure is too high. - Time Magazine, 12/1/08

The odds are 24 out of 25 (96%) that you can't remember the last time you had a salad. - Time Magazine, 12/1/08

The odds are 1 out of 520 (.192%) that you subscribe to an adult-content website if you live in Montana. - Discover Magazine, 5/09

The odds are 1 out of 182 (.547%) that you subscribe to an adult-content website if you live in Utah. - Discover Magazine, 5/09

The odds are 6 out of 10 (59%) that you want to throw every person in Congress out and start all over. - The Week Magazine, 12/26/08

The odds are 9 out of 10 (90%) that you somehow cheat if you're a student in high school. - The Week Magazine, 10/24/08

The odds are 1 out of 3 (36%) that you have a criminal record, if you have graduated from the Atlanta Police Academy. - The Week Magazine, 10/24/08

No Respect, Part 3

Rodney Dangerfield,


My old man, I told him I'm tired of running around in circles. So he nailed my other foot to the floor.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

My wife's not too smart. I told her, our kids were spoiled. She said, "All kids smell that way."

My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer.

There's only one thing wrong with my wife's face - it shows.

When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through."

I bought a new Japanese car. I turned on the radio... I don't understand a word they're saying.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.

I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.

I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the West.

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster.

…went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife.

My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.

Chuck it, Part 3

Facts about Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

Chuck Norris doesn't shave, he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.

Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bed frames, and sidewalks.

Chuck Norris doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.

Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

Saints fined $30,000 for hits.

This may be more of a whine than a rant but....

I understand that football is a contact sport. That's one of the things I like about it. What the Saints did was not just make contact, but did it outside the rules of the NFL. BTW, fines against the Vikings $0.00.

So I'm still not fully over the loss....Read on.

New Orleans defensive end Bobby McCray has been fined $20,000 for two hits on Vikings quarterback Brett Favre on Sunday in the Saints' victory in the NFC title game, according to Jason La Canfora of NFL.com. The NFL has confirmed the fines to McCray.

McCray was fined both for a first-quarter hit on Favre that was delivered after the quarterback had handed off to Percy Harvin and for the third quarter low hit on which Favre threw an interception and also injured his left ankle.

No penalty was called on that play but Mike Pereira, the NFL's vice president of officiating, said that referee Pete Morelli's crew should have thrown a flag. McCray did receive a 15-yard penalty for unnecessary roughness after his first hit.

Update: The Saints had at least two other fines in the game. Defensive end Anthony Hargrove was fined $5,000 for unnecessary roughness in the third quarter when he lifted Favre off the ground and drove him to the turf as he threw an incomplete pass to Chester Taylor. Hargrove was called for a 15-yard roughing the passer penalty.

New Orleans' Jonathan Casillas was fined $5,000 for unnecessary roughness for striking punt returner Darius Reynaud late as he downed the football in the second quarter. Casillas was called for a 15-yard penalty on the play.

Story by the Star and Tribune newspaper.

Which came first..

Which came first the chicken or the egg?

A few friends were arguing about this statement and I had to jump in and put my 2 cents in, or off them both.

The phrase ” Which came first the chicken or the egg?” is not a puzzle to be solved, or some sort of temporal paradox that scientist are attempting to grapple with. It’s meant to describe an unsolvable situation. Like “Catch 22”, that sort of thing.

If it were a puzzle, it would be very easy to solve. If the phrase is as stated, “Which came first the chicken or the egg?”, then the solution is the egg. There were dinosaurs laying eggs long before chickens ever evolved.

If the phrase is really a shorter version of “Which came first the chicken or the chicken egg?” Then it’s just as easy to solve. A type of egg is referred to by what laid it, not what’s in it. If a chicken laid an egg with a disfigured chicken in it, it’s still a chicken egg. If a chicken laid an egg with a turtle in it, it would still be a chicken egg.

At some point in history, a bird that was not quite a chicken, laid an egg with a mutated offspring inside. That offspring is what we consider today to be a chicken. The egg would have been referred to by what laid it. But, a chicken hatched out of it. So the chicken came first.