Bumper Stickers, Part 5

Resistance is futile (if > 1 ohm).

My mother was a moonshiner, and I love her still.

MOP AND GLO - The floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.

I'm Canadian. It's like being American, but without the gun.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

The control key on the keyboard does not work.

The meek shall inherit the earth, after we're through with it.

Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

National Sarcasm Society. (Like we need your support)

Nuke the Whales! We'll hunt them at night.

Jesus loves you! Everybody else thinks you're a jerk.

Lawyers have feelings too (allegedly).

If there is no God, who always pops up that next Kleenex?

Forget world peace; visualize using your turn signal.

Ask me about my compost pile.

If you believe in telepathy, think about honking.

People like you are the reason people like me need medication.

I'm retired. Go around me.

Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.

The box said Windows 2000 or better. So I installed Linux.

I found Jesus - he was behind the sofa all the time.

So many cats, so few recipes.

Save the trees, wipe your butt with an owl.

Top 20 Dog names

Here are the top 20 Male and female names for mans best friend.







1. Max..........Bella
2. Buddy......Molly
3. Rocky.......Lucy
4. Bailey.......Maggie
5. Jake..........Daisy
6. Charlie......Sophie
7. Jack...........Sadie
8. Toby.........Chloe
9. Cody.........Bailey
10. Buster....Lola
11. Duke.......Zoe
12. Cooper...Abby
13. Riley.......Ginger
14. Harley....Roxy
15. Bear........Gracie
16. Tucker....Coco
17. Murphy..Sasha
18. Lucky.....Lily
19. Oliver.....Angel
20. Sam........Princess

Homerizm, Part 4

Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that.

When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power - like God must feel when he's holding a gun.

You know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button.

I hope I didn't brain my damage!

Nuts and gum, together at last!

We'll die together, like a father and son should.

Let us celebrate this agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.

We're gonna get a new TV. Twenty-one inch screen, realistic flesh tones, and a little cart so we can wheel it into the dining room on holidays!

First you don't want me to get the pony, then you want me to take it back. Make up your mind!

Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and... um... Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer.

Now what is a wedding? Well, Webster's dictionary describes a wedding as the process of removing weeds from one's garden.

Now, Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.

You can't go wrong with cocktail weenies. They look as good as they taste. And they come in this delicious red sauce. It looks like ketchup, it tastes like ketchup, but brother, it ain't ketchup!

I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun!

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!

Oh, they have Internet on computers now.

Marge I swear, I never thought that you would find out.

Books are useless: I only ever read one book, "To Kill A Mockingbird" - and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin, but what good does THAT do me?

Shut up, brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-Tip!

I am so smart, I am so smart, S M R T, I mean S M A R T.

Passing of a good friend

On Sept 18th our dog Max (short for Maximous) died. He went quickly and without any pain. It was unexpected and sudden. Max was a big part of our family, and was involved is nearly every facet of our lives. He loved grandkids, tug of war, going for walks, and being with his family. Our hearts and our home will never be the same without him. Max you will be missed..

Back to updates

The summer was short and very crazy at times. There was very little time to do the things I wanted to do vs the things I had to do. Now that Summer is gone and Fall is here, things should slow to a much more manageable pace. That being said, my blog should be updated a little more often for the foreseeable future.